Gay and Religion

Aug 12, 2011

Image by Rickydavid via Flickr

How do I balance religious teachings with being gay?

Does the religion you grew up with support who you are today? Does your identity, spirituality or belief’s about the world conflict with your religious upbringing? These are common challenges for gay and lesbian people who grew up in traditional religious households where they were constantly taught in overt and covert ways that relationship is between a man and a woman. For those of us who have fallen in love with the same gender, have come out in the world as gay or lesbian, this can create significant dissonance, anxiety, depression and at times problematic drinking or drug use. It can also lead to suicidal thoughts.

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The beginning steps to reconciling your religious teachings with being gay or lesbian are:

Step One: Realize that you are OK, no matter what. You are love. You have value and worth just by being.

Step Two: Most religions have realized that the teachings of the bible are subject to interpretation. Find a church, temple, synagogue or religious community that truly honors your life and relationship.

Step Three: If you have family members who use religious teachings to hurt, disrespect or make you feel wrong for being gay, set a boundary with them. Tell them that you appreciate their beliefs, but you do not share them. I want to be in your life, but not if you continue to hurt and disrespect me. You don’t have to take it!

Step Four: Often, we are taught that something is wrong with us for being gay or lesbian. That we should fit in, that we should pass. But that is hiding the real you. The FABULOUS you. When we hear that artists like Pink and Adam Lambert never fit it, we know that this is what shaped who they are today. The acknowledge it wasn’t always easy, but to borrow from Gaga – I’m beautiful in my way / ’Cause God makes no mistakes /I’m on the right track, baby/I was born this way. Pink says, “You are Perfect…”

I am a GLEE fan and I believe that the reason it resonates so well with its audience is the characters are real but flawed. Kinda like life, eh? Kurt, a strong gay character if ever there was one, he loves show tunes, is a slave to fashion and a diva. And he makes no apologies for it.

Step Five: Find community and get support. The more you involve yourself in the gay and lesbian community, the more you will find an abundance of health, wealth and well being. Talk with people, share stories of struggle and sadness. In turn, you will hear stories of strength and resiliency and learn to love yourself for the fabulousness that is you.

Janeen Smith, MS, MFT has over a decade of experience as a psychotherapist in private practice in the San Francisco Bay Area. She works with adults and children, couples and families, and really enjoys the well-rounded and rewarding practice this gives her. In addition, she has 13 years experience in community agencies, including four years as Executive Director of a community mental health and substance abuse treatment agency.

Janeen is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Consultant and Trainer in Private Practice in San Francisco and Pacifica. Her vision is a world where people are able to heal and grow from life’s challenges, to be the person they want to be. Her mission is to help people meet life’s challenges, overcome obstacles and discover their unique and fabulous gifts, resiliency and strength through psychotherapy, counseling and education. She is certified in domestic violence and sexual assault and is an EMDR trained therapist. For more information go to www.jsmithmft.com.