Should I Bareback?

Nov 11, 2011

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Dear Janeen:

I met this really nice guy and we’ve been dating for awhile. The sex is good but now he wants to bareback. What should I do?

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A great question. The fact that you are asking it tells me something bothers you about the idea of bareback. Before you decide what to do, I want to know how you feel about it?

If this guy is truly a “nice” guy, he will want to know the answer to this question to. He will want to know your preferences, what you are comfortable with, what you aren’t, and negotiate with all parties coming out feeling heard and understood. These conversations can lead to deeper intimacy and excellent sex. Or, these conversations can give you information about this guy that says….RUN, RUN away now.

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That said, I’m a safety girl. How do you feel about bareback in terms of your health and well being? Even if you both have been STD/HIV tested, do you know for a fact you are the only one he is dating? Are you dating other people? At this stage of the game…is it worth the gamble on your life to go bareback?

When relationships are monogamous and full of trust, then conversations about bareback are appropriate after both parties have been tested and know their status.

Janeen

Janeen Smith, MS, MFT has over a decade of experience as a psychotherapist in private practice in the San Francisco Bay Area. She works with adults and children, couples and families, and really enjoys the well-rounded and rewarding practice this gives her. In addition, she has 13 years experience in community agencies, including four years as Executive Director of a community mental health and substance abuse treatment agency.

Janeen is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Consultant and Trainer in Private Practice in San Francisco and Pacifica. Her vision is a world where people are able to heal and grow from life’s challenges, to be the person they want to be. Her mission is to help people meet life’s challenges, overcome obstacles and discover their unique and fabulous gifts, resiliency and strength through psychotherapy, counseling and education. She is certified in domestic violence and sexual assault and is an EMDR trained therapist. For more information go to www.jsmithmft.com.