According to the survey, conducted by the Williams Institute in 2016, 0.6% of U.S. adults identify themselves as transgender. Transgender persons are the part of the LGBT community and in their life, they overcome numerous obstacles.
Dating a trans guy is both a challenging and exhilarating experience. It is full of new discoveries, happy moments, and tough struggles.
So, before starting the transgender relationship, you should know some myths about it and there are some things you should be prepared for.
Myths About The Transgender Relationship
Trans relationships are mysterious and enigmatic. They are special as you share them with the special person.
Despite the variety of prejudices about the trans relationships, in most cases, they are filled with love, mutual respect, and understanding. If you start dating a trans guy, be aware of the myths about this relationship.
- Transgender women are attracted only to women and trans guys are attracted only to guys. This is the myth because transgender persons have different sexualities: straight, gay, bi, pan.
- If you date a transgender person, it makes you a gay or lesbian. This is a misconception as if you are attracted to the trans guy, it is because he is a guy and your orientation is straight. The same concerns trans women.
- Not all relationships survive the transition. This period puts a huge stress on the individuals separately and on your relationship in general. Unfortunately, even a rock-solid relationship cannot survive the transition.
- All trans people are sexual. It is a myth as sometimes they may be asexual.
- The statement that all trans people are bottoms is untrue. Some of them are tops or versatile.
- Some people think that trans people are all gay. It is untrue as the orientation depends on the person.
- Not all trans guys like masculine activities (including penetration) in sex.
All men are different and like all men, trans men are also individual as they have a various social background. And they have different emotional, spiritual, romantic and sexual needs. So, before getting serious with a trans guy, you should know the following things.
- People Can Be Intolerant
People perceive you and your relationship differently. They may have prejudices about your relationship and you must be prepared for it. They can make assumptions as to your identity and sexual orientation taking into account the partner’s identity. Thus, they may think that you are either a gay or straight and it affects your relationship.
Transgender people may experience problems and go under stress because many of them can’t understand how to disclose the transgender status to their relatives, friends, and other people. Coming out may be health-hazardous as in today’s world, there is the prevalence of discrimination and violence as transgender people are 28% more likely to be victims of violence.
But many people don’t know the difference between gender and sexuality. They may invade the partner’s privacy by asking intrusive questions. They may think that the partner knows everything about the trans things. Besides, they may be too curious and ask tactless questions, e.g. about the surgery or the sex life. It can let your partner down as not every transgender has surgery done, not everyone uses the hormones and nobody will expose information about the sex life to others.
So, you should be ready for the judgment from the side of your friends, mates, and relatives and perceive all things soberly.
Be supportive when the trans guy faces the struggles related to rejection and discrimination. Also, build trust with the partner and understand all challenges and needs he has.
- Transition Is Difficult
When you date a transgender, the coming out may be really difficult because the man may lose contact with the family and friends. The trans man was assigned a woman at birth and that is why the emotional aspect of the transition is extremely important. The woman becomes a part of the same society in the male body and this is a challenge, so being supportive and understanding is the key there. Besides, the issue of the medical correction of sex becomes relevant and you should be supportive, compassionate, sympathetic, and encouraging. Your man needs it most of all during the transition. It’s vital as transition causes stress, which affects people in different ways, but the recent study found that 46% of transgender men attempt suicide.
Aside from being supportive and understanding, create commitment, so that your partner can achieve all goals and overcome all troubles, connected with this tough period.
- Self-confidence Is Important
During the transition, there is the shift in his identity and he needs the identity acceptance and validation from you and the society. Show him that you accept his new representation of himself, express it through endearment. Besides, you may use not only the body language but words as well. Be supportive, encouraging and be ready for being expressive, but restrained at the same time.
The body language is crucial in building self-confidence. Show through gestures and caresses how much you like him and that you accept him the way he is.
- Pronouns And Names Mean A Lot
Becoming a transgender is a conscious choice and your loved one needs support. The use of right pronouns is a symbol of your acceptance and support. It may seem that this small detail is irrelevant when it comes to a sex change, but in fact, a person is experiencing a colossal stress, and expressing your support by using the right pronouns will help your beloved person to believe in himself and feel better.
On top of that, using the appropriate name is also important. Even if you tell the story, which has happened in the past (before coming out), you should use the real name. The thing is that the trans man may feel confused and upset if you call him by the name, given at birth.
Respect the partner and show your respect by using the correct pronouns and names.
- Sex Life Is Important
When your partner becomes a transgender and when it comes to sex, you should be honest and understand that all people are different and of course, you should be patient. When you prepare for the sex with a trans man, keep in mind several things:
- Understand what the notion sexuality implies to your man. Talk with him and find out what turns him on, his erogenous zones, things, which he finds inappropriate in sex. Communication is important as it helps you to make things clear before you go to the next stage in your intimate relationship.
- Outline the sexual comfort zone. Some trans guys don’t like to be touched in their “female” areas, whereas others may enjoy sensual caresses. This parameter is individual, so you should talk about it.
- Ask the partner about the words you should use or shouldn’t use during the intercourse.
- Be prepared for super-sensitivity. If your partner goes under hormonal therapy, then there may be some peculiarities. The body part, known as the clitoris, becomes larger and super sensitive, so you should take it into account.
- Accommodate his body issues. If your partner has the pre-surgery in the breast or genital area, take it into account as your partner may prefer wearing the T-shirt during sex or he doesn’t want special attention to his genitalia.
- The body changes during the transition phase and your partner’s libido may increase significantly. So, be ready for it and talk before you get to it.
On top of that, be prepared for the fact that things may change daily as the person is only searching himself, so be patient.
Always be open, talk honestly and discuss all preferences and desires, it will help you to build intimacy you need.
Thus, dating a trans guy may be challenging as the person is discovering new aspects of the gender identity. So, be supportive and respect each other’s bodies and minds and then you’ll have a committed and flourishing relationship.
Andrew Guerra is an editor of http://sweetytextmessages.